Monday, August 18, 2008

Top Ten Reasons Not to Miss Long Island This Summer!

1.) The blonde, or at least dyed blonde, bombshell that is Herpes.

2.) Meeting up with the three harpies of VD all at once. Chlamydia, Syphilis and their friend Gonorrhea. The burning will last a lifetime.

3.) Having these two winning bartenders serve up a delightful STD cocktail to coat your throat YUM! (Is it just me or do you think maybe she bought those boobs?)

4.) The possibility of running into this pack of Morons. Tony and his broad Gina here manage to harness the unholy powers of the devils triple threat, hair gel, ridiculously huge sunglasses and the worst of the bunch fake tanning to new levels of terrible.

5.) The tragic fact that this big, sweaty gathering of total Douche Bags could be out there waiting for you. I guess two of the three should get credit for having the balds to wear pink and baby blue flowery shirts.

6.) The annoyance of trying to hold onto any type of booty and or treasure with this Twat walking around taking necklaces and touching his own nipples. Although he is most likely trying to give these out to girls who will show him some boob. If that is the case then why the goggles? Is he afraid of a run away nipple?

7.) Having this guy flash "The Dragon" at you all night. "A YO, Check out da Dragon!" or "Don't mess wit da fuckin Dragon BRO!" or "ROOAARRR its da Dragon!" are just some of the possible Dragon tattoo related nonsense you may hear. If you happen to be a girl and are around this guy well than you may have it worse. No doubt he will work "The Dragon" into his lame pick up lines. Rinse this guy out of your mouth with this somewhat related clip. Watch Afro Ninja try to Enter the Dragon.

8.) There are so many things running through my mind when I look at this ass that I can't even focus. I imagine when he was going to pose for this picture he wanted to have a "What the fuck you lookin at asshole?" type of thing going on. He probably also threw some "Look at dis bitch I got!" in there also. Wow what a dick.

9.) This is why I sometimes truly hate being from Long Island. These are the kind of assholes that Long Island gets associated with. Sleazy, Touchy, and Molesty the three dwarves of the apocalypse. Also that kissy lip shit is outrageously obnoxious.

10.) The only thing keeping this picture from melting your world is the guy on the left with the visor. Visor guy may also be a dick but at least he has the sense to wear short shorts with his shirt tucked in so his gut will hang over his belt. Those two other assholes though, what the fuck? Two words Date Rape, watch out ladies.

So if you did not get a chance to spend time on Long Island this summer good for you. The whole of your life will be better for not having experienced any of the above assholes in person. If you somehow went to L.I. an avoided the cluster fuck of horrible and had a good time I salute you!


P.S. Here is a drawing about talking shit. A fitting topic for this post. This was done on tracing paper with blue pen, red pen, paint marker, confidential stickers and white out. I do not have a title for this one.

P.P.S I went to Japan for three weeks and traveled all around the country. Well not really all around but we did visit several cities and got to experience a lot about Japanese life. Having said that a post is forthcoming as are other promised posts from the past. Also there will be comics/zines on the two trips to Japan. I wish I was still there right now. My friend Takanari said to me one night while we were out he thought I must have been Japanese in another life. Another friend Kuma, which means bear, told Christine that I was like Peter Pan. I hope he meant that in a good way and not a Michael Jackson creepy way. I mean I don't have a monkey nor do I have toddler sleep overs so I think he meant it positively.

Anyway I hope new comics thunder will be arriving soon.

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